kfc, saya suka.

"aniq, nak kfc ke burger ..? " [ my father, he is the only person in this world that called me by the name aniq..]

"haa? oh, era nak kfc.." [ thats me, never once respond by the name aniq]

"ok, tapi male kare baru boleh make, lepas isya' , baba nak g usrah."

"oh..okai, xpow. "

and so, i thought, he is the only one going, but the truth is, all of them, err, 

nope,

they left Solihin with me,

i cant go, for i have to babysit that boy.

he's not baby anymore! [by the means of physical,, he is still mentally a baby for us.]

so after maghrib.

"adik, tengok ah citer, jange kacau era, nak baca buku. [I left him to watch his favorite movie.. hantu dalam botol kicap, that is his fav for now]

it always him , i hardly get to on9 these days,, [ aslam , hid kakak's laptop which used by solihin before, my lappy become his target now]

it was 8.00 pm

the bed really is comfortable..

i almost fell asleep.

"adik.. era nak tidor kejap, adik jange tubik, kalu ade ore mari jange tubik, gerok era era taw."

[ i told him that]

my brother, he cant talk like the way we talk..

but we do understand him..-sometimes not. but we try and he try to deliver it too..

he put his hand at his forehead -nearly, making the style of a police- means that, he understood and will follow the order..haha.

i slept for about 1 hour and half, 

i woke up and saw him still watching the movie.

its not that hard to 'take care' that boy when we know his hobby..muhahaha.

so, its already isya' of coz,

so i went to toilet to take my wudhu'

but, suddenly,

blackout. im still inside that place,

i heard he cries,

waahh,

its dark, and i can see nothing ..only the darkness.

alhamdulillah,

id memorize my house structure.

i heard him near the kitchen.

so i went to him..

adik ,takut ko..?

adik kalu takut jange nangis.
sebut "lauhaulawala quwwata illa billah hil alliyil azim."


if my mom were there, she will be the one who said that.

i dont remember who taught me that but i guess, its really my mom..

..
when he calm down,
i ask him again,
adik takut ko..

my brother, he is the hardcore fan of ghost stories.. so, no wonder he got so frightening, still a kid btw...

but when i asked him,
he said - by sign..

he had accidentally pee in his trousers.

im angry,
i scold him, and ask him to go to toilet by himself.
of coz he cant go,
too scared to even walk.

so, i walk by him and i realized that, there's no point in getting angry to that boy,
it was an accident.

so, i just told him that,
adik, lain kali jange buat doh..
i hope he remember that.


for u guys information, that was my first time alone-[consider im alone, solihin cant really help me at that time..] when this kind of thing happen to me,, i dont want to call my father, it will just worries him..so we were in darkness for about 10 minutes.

i dont mind stay in darkness actually, but the heat was the problem, i cant stand it.

"adik, kito nk wt gp ni, ? era tok reti buko balik letrik, jetak sero ni.."

but so, i was wrong, when my head really cant think of anything, solihin, he help me to figure out something...

"alu..alu.. " [ its means along.. and he gesturing a person talking in phone]

"adik nak suh era tepon k.long ko..?"

i remember, my eldest sister , she didnt go there, she's @ my nenek's house

so, i called her and inform bout the tragedy..[tragedy..hua3..]

and she instruct me to do the things, and tell me that, if i cant do it alone, she will come here..

and i managed to do it!
easy peezeeyy,,
i thought it was harder..
alhamdulillah..

so, then after both of us prayed,

"adik, jom tengok tv luar, tunggu mama n baba"

[its not really outside, it just dont feel like 'inside', i dont feel like im home when im there..]

"iyaahhhhhh" he got suddenly got so exited, i dont know why, maybe because i didnt continue my sleep..hehe..


so, we waited there, while watching tv,
the show doesnt attract my attention much,
then solihin ask me to play football with him,

we played until the car parked in,
and the door were opened,
and i heard

"sayang, itu kfc.." [ thats Ilham, all of sudden callin me sayang, what theee..haha]

im so sleepy

so, thats the story..of yesterday.



[ini cerita, ada diskip, ngantok.muahaha]

reading

The thirst to write vs The passion to read.

i choose to read...

titiktitiknoktah.

i want to make u happy.

idk, tengok orang senyum.walaupun tak nampak kat mata,

dapat rasa...

bestnya kalo dapat buat orang gembira.

but i know, sometimes, i didnt please u much, im sorry for that. 

saya juga ada hati mau jaga.

tapi lihat orang yang kita insyaAllah sayang tu.. nampak sedih saja..

buat hati yang kita mau jaga takdi, rasa tak selesa juga..

maaf, saya tak pandai mintak maaf...
saya juga tak pandai nak cakap sayang...
tapi hati saya rasa trouble. hishh, tak tahu nak buat apa.

agaknya, untuk phlegmatic, mungkin macam tu.

saya juga nak bagitahu
things that i wrote here,
are the things,
which i wont say. [by mouth]

:(

[saya tulis ni, untuk semua.. keluarga, dan jugak sahabat..maaf ada makhluk macam saya dalam hidop anda.]

my dream. my addiction

it is happening again. right now. this feeling.

its normal. from my point of view this is very normal for a person who had spent much of her time doing
such a thing to feel it again.

i remember the first few years im trying to get rid of it..
no.. its not easy..

everytime i close my eyes, the vision of everything keep on coming.
yeah, remember when someone said, the more you try to forget thing, the more it comes to you. well it happen to be true.
at least, to me.

the thing im talking about is about addiction.

not so long since i started it, and not so long since i stopped it.


the memory is still here, deep inside my mind.
i dont know which part of the brain store it but i swear i could recall everything..
and everytime the memory flashing into my mind, i could no longer breath easily..
the thing is, i felt like drowning like the feeling of having been strangled by the air...
and everything seems so suffocating.....
its weird but thats it, the feeling of missing something..
until this time im writing this . the feeling is still here.

games.
ive been addicted to this.
MMOrpg.
it sounds stupid..yeah..

i love that game.
all about it, the guild, the war, the cavee
the players[ although it confuse me much about their gender, arr,nevermind that]
the quest...every single thing.



so, 5 years ago, i decided to stop it,
not that im having this wake up call that all of it such a waste of time,
no..
i knew it long ago.
the point was that, my level already reach the highest, the high score and so on,
although the game was about competing with others around the world, it was easy for me to catch it
becoz, the fact that, that game still new.
and what else would you expect from someone who spend most of her time,
only sleep 2 or 3 hours a day, didnt do her homework...face facing the laptop almost 24/7 .blah3..
so i conclude that i stop playing it for a while, for a while only,
ive big exam coming that year, and the year after that, and also the year after that year, so guess that,
its time for me to stop it for a while.
[kat sekolah ku dulu, tiap2 tahun pun ade exam besar, form 1 jep xder]

like i told you before, its not easy to completely stop it,
this time, i actually came to understand the feeling of drug's addict-er,
when they were asked to stop doing it
i knew it, it was the same. not easy..



...

so today, i try to download it again, i used to promise myself, that time..that one day,
im going to play it again... dont matter if that time is when im already old.. i will still play it.!

..

i remember the players, although most of them..emm.. still young [around 18- 27,29,30.] 
but there were this little population of the older players.
not that they played it for a long time already but the fact that, they were older by age.
around 40 something.. i dont know how the heck they got time to play,
dont they got thing to do at home, family..kids..or even work?
its not the kind of game, u can pause and everybody stop.. no.. u have to follow the flow..
especially if you are on miission..
its not easy if u have thing to take care of...

so, im trying to follow the older players' style, its not good..bad ..bad bad me..
..

back to the point.
when i click the download now button..
i have this kind of feeling..that i used to do this before..
not the first time i click it,[no, itu adik saya yang download first2]

i used to do the same thing, during my first holiday of my semester.. yahh, thats it!
but it was a complete failure,
the screen was too small... the graphic wasnt beautiful,[problem with graphic card i believe]
and it was lagging. waaah, how can i play with such flaw like thesee.. no..i'll be burden to other players..
the level of the game have been increase by 10, its easy for me to catch up, but not with these conditions.
no..


ok, now. im cancelling the downloading, this is the same computer by the way.. i cant play with this.
sekian.

p/s : dulu, guna laptop lain..sekarang laptop tu dah takder.

nak laptop baru?

satu petang, sebelum maghrib.

"baba nak laptop baru..cukup tak duit era?.heheh."  [menegur baba yang sedang asyik main chess]

baba tersenyum dengan wat muka macam tertanya2 sikit..[selalu wat gitu kalau tiba2 anak dia tanya atau bagitahu something yang tak dijangka..

"nak laptop macam tu." [sambil tunjuk laptop ilham..]

baba wat muka terkejut lagi..

"laptop era crash sokmo.. keno pinjam laptop ilham nak main photoshop.. Ilham tu, dia tidor lambatt..susoh nak nyelit pinjam, bangun awal pagi..berebut ngan solihin pulop.."  wat gaya ala2 mengadu la kononnya..hua3..

tiba2 baba kata... "boleh.."

yes!

"tapi 3000 lebihlah.." sambung baba..

"arhghhhh, matiiii..! mahallnyaa!"

tiba2 ilham sampuk " saem abe kato, ado dalam 2,600 something dh laptop tu sekarang.."


tapi still.. terlalu mahal..

haihh..


dalam kepala ligat pikir, kalo guna duit tu wat beli lappy baru.. peratus nak mengahadapi hidup semester 5 agak tipis.. hua3..





*mission failed..*

sepuluh days :D

Firstly, let me make it clear for you..

this is a boring long post, without picture, boring texts, annoying words, and on top of it. it got nothing to do with you..

this is a warning, kalo nak baca jugak, mungkin anda akan berhenti separuh jalan, sebab kebosanan yang menggila.. jadi baiklah anda tak baca langsung dari pada mengutuk2 post yang takda faedah ni..[it hurts me.:P] hehehe.. 

ok, since kamu decided nak baca, teruskan kan lah, and harap2 enjoy,, jangan berhenti sampai habes. TQ.
tak panjang pon ..

this post is written specially to those who want to know. :)
to u whom i had put my promise..

Em, camna nak tulis yer..

Sebenarnya, I intended to write my journey,

The 10 days of my adventure. Haha..

And 5 days of it consists of ‘my camp’

The first 3 days.. was only,

Id called.. Sightseeing.. urr.. not much to tell…

Em, let me start it, back to like.. em… after a few weeks  I continued my semester 4,

In Dr Normah class, I received a call, from my dad……………………….

He said that I need to join this camp. Ok shut it, the reader’s doesn’t want to know, [I know, I know..]

Seriously, I don’t wanna go.. at all.

Biar saya pendekkan cerita, lagipun post ni bukan tentang hari2 sebelum 10 hari tu kan.. he3..

Well,   I did go.

My first day.

Normal thing, we departed from home since 6 am. And arrive @ my sister’s house around 4 something.  

What I like, and never want to forget about that day was about, I got to visit my old college again… [berhenti solat jumaat] although I didn’t get to meet my friends [any of them] at all. I do still remember my feeling that day, it was a joyous yet sad.. yah..  I didn’t quite understand the feeling too.. but that was how I felt back then. .

Second day.

My family, they need to go already..but that day. My sister [acik] invited us to visit MIHAS [she need to do some research regarding halal/haram..].. aiyo, tempat tu sure kecoh.. dorang punya rules sangat la strict tapi terrible, I hafta give my sincere rate, it terribly need to be fixed..

Dalam pukul 12 tengahari … family saya[ yang hantar sy, trmasuk acik..] pun bertolak…pulang..

So, I went back to my sister’s home with my sister of course..

Day.three.

I accompanied my sister. To bukit cerakah..[lawa oh tempat tu..] She got this reunion with her fellow mates from komander …kesatria uitm something… seriously, I didn’t get along with them very well…

Mula2, ingatkan.. semuanya dah umur2 baya kakak..tapi rupanya, ramai jugak umur sama ngan saya.. they  treat me very well, well, adik tetamu penting kang..wakakak.. 

The games, I remembered playing three games, the first two games need me to focus.. and really , im bad @ it, but it was so enjoyable. .

The last game before the lunch…  playing with straw, they named it Bluetooth something,… [I rather called it infrared looking at how it works]  but that last game sure the most enjoyable[walaupun kalah lagi]

Petang tu, beli henset kat PAS pastu gi sunway pyramid renew number maxis,, kat shah alam takda stok.

the five days of ….

I will write my review in one go, means that, I wont put the day..[sebenarnya lupa.]

Masa ondeway nak pergi register..I do control my emotion, I look calm enough on the outside but no.. inside my head, the images of whatever going to happen had been running so fast, shifting the pictures with one another, it was faster than the car @ F1.. waaah, im so scared.!!

Kat tempat register, dorang bagi baju, saiz L..wuwuuw.. ok lah.. sapa suruh pegi lambat, [sebenarnya sesat, penat kena marah kat kakak.. wuwuwu.. tak reti  tengok map, tak cam kanan kiri,, hua3..]

Pandangan saya, memang campur baur, the hostel was fantastic. I rate it 4/5 [sbb econ dia xleh bg slow, sejuk gilerrrrr ..]  yang lain was superb. Hostel la..

Tapi first2 daftar, I got this feeling that, it shift, no, It doesn’t look like the tentative at all, which of course, make me scared, I was expecting nothing like this… 

Ok, kenal dengan rumate, it was cold first meeting, but then I understand that, that was normal.. I too was cold. [after all, told ya, I don’t like this camp.]

Pastu gi kafe, tengok muka kakak macam risau sangat je nak tinggal adik dia kat sini[ perasan] so, I decided to make friends,[ in front of her, jadi dia xda la risau nanti..]

Saya cakap saya nak pergi kacau orang yang tengah makan .. then, kakak told me this. “Gi lah, semua orang pun baru sampai, tak sempat nak wat geng lagi.”

So, dengan muka tak malunya, saya pun mula la menegur..waaa..malu sebenarnya.. but it sure goes well.. .

….Saya masuk dewan awal 30 minit. Geez, tak taw nak wat apa dah. Kalo balik bilik ambil masa pulak, so I decided to masuk dewan awal2.. huuu.. tiba2 nampak rumate… ajak dia masuk sama.[she’s older by one year, but she insisted not to call her by sis, panggil nama cukup, I don’t like it very much..but as long as she love it, I will call her by name only.]

Hari tu, ada talk je. And of course ice-breaking, the prize sure big, people who got to remember all the members participated in the camp will win RM500 , and no kidding, my roommate there, she won that 5 hundreds..

 And malam tu.. lepas isya’ ada ceramah agama[dalam tentative tulis gitu..]..

..

Ok, enough with all the details, u dont want to knowww.[ i know i know]

what I think about the activities there were that, some of them must be super expensive. Huu, with all the pipes, wheels, cards, golf.. and so on.. and then being discarded. It was a pity.. .ok, only the last day activity, rasanya takda nak guna kos apa-apa.. yang mana kena berdikir-group saya kena berdikir..lagi..huhuhu,, bencinya..tapi oklah, because ada pengalaman.. .

About the food, I have nothing to complain… they fed us enough to kill us[ dah gemok, macam citer Hansel and gretel, bagi2 gemok sbb nak masak dorng.. lalalaal….]it tastes good.. really.

Hadiah bagi setiap pertandingan..semuanya bagi on dat period of time. senang.. takda nak tunggu hari last.. tapi yang last aktiviti,, bukan pertandingan…persembahan je, so , no pressure, no pressure.[ade je sikit]

the socialization, saya rasa ini sangat terbaik, kat sini, saya ingat nama semua orang and saya rasa saya tak kisah nak pergi makan kat meja mana2 pon.. sebab saya rasa saya kenal dorang semua ni [walaupun tak kenal sekenal-kenalnya]

waa.

Malasnya nak tulis..

Ok lah stop kat sini je review nya, yag penting, memang takda nak complain apa2 pun, sebab aktiviti memang best dan patutnya tambah lagi hari camp tu..[oh what??] dan satulagi, bila semuanya fully sponsored,, starting from the hostel, food, games, speakers.. what else could we say.. Alhamdulillah, I got chosen. .[err]..minyak nak pergi and balik tu sendirik la kan.. J

Ok, ada orang Tanya saya, apa benda yang saya dapat dari camp tu, azam baru, perubahan baru..bla2..

Yes, aside from getting a lot more friends, saya belajar tentang manusia.

Unik.

Sangat unik.

Pemikiran manusia, sifat manusia, sangat unik, kadang-kadang kita tak puas hati dengan apa yang dorang buat, macamna dorang treat satu sama lain, macam mana dorang accept sesuatu perkara tu, kita rasa macam nak ubah sorang2 tu,kita risaukan mereka, kita tak suka cara mereka, kenapa la dorang lain sangat dengan kita...  ..tapi itulah mereka, sangat unik. People. we are different, yet, the differences doesn’t differs us… try to accept it.

Ok, saya pon ada jugak belajar macam2 melalui games..

Mostly, kena focus lah, and positif..[hehe..] penat lah nak tulis pasal ni..[because, i cant really express my feeling, i love writing but, a little bit tired. eh?] naa, just that, the feeling is way tooo awesome, cant even be expressed through writing alone.

Tapi basically,

Kita rasa, kita tak boleh buat, first call of the games, memang kami buat sambil lewa je, pastu, second, third, kami makin focus, jadi, aim pun sampai.. cuba dan cuba, pastu focus…

hari last camp-friday, tengahari tu, baba dah datang.. ngan acik, ngan ilham.
hari sabtu, kami pergi melaka, sebab.. ilham ada interview, jadi masa tunggu ilham tu , kami jalan2 dulu kat melaka, nak tunggu dia lulus tak stage pertama.
ilham..dia lulus first stage, jadi hari tu jugak kami tinggalkan dia kat kem tu..dan hari ahad, saya ngan baba balik, acik tinggal kat nilai, cuti midsem seminggu dia dah abes..
tapi hari isnin, dia dah ada kat rumah balik, sebab tak lepas kat medical check-up, huuu..takpe, rezeki bukan kat situ lah tu.. :)


p/s : start dari cuti saya, kat unisza tu, saya batuk, sebelum tu, sakit tekak.[series,] sekarang masih lagi batuk, dah masuk 3 minggu lah ni. seksa oh batuk ni, nak tidor malam pon susah, nak kem 5 hari tu pon rasa macam ganggu orang, alhamdulillah tak batuk masa berdikir,,
untuk yang nasihatkan saya suruh makan ubat,
ye dah makan..:)
untuk yang nasihatkan saya jumpa doktor, :)
dah jumpa jugak..ubat tu pun dah abes..
sekarang makan date vinegar jep, sebenarnya, vinegar tu, hilangkan suara saya,, tapi okaylah, dia hilangkan batuk jugak... dah nak ok rasanya,, sebab dah semakin kurang, cuma saya perasan stage batuk dia berbeza2.. haihh.. ok..

p/s 2 : sori post panjang ni takda gambar, nak letak, tapi card reader problem. usb plak tak leh nak masuk, lain size..

p/s 3: if, nak saya tulis details, saya sangat gembira,, tapi saya risau anda malas nak baca, [walaupun ni blog saya, sukati nak tulis apa, tapi .. nevermind..] :)

BI BI BI BI

penat dah berlakon mati.

tiap2 hari jadi penjahat.

kena serang dengan action kamen..

bi bi bi bi..!