near the end

sometimes, u just cant force your brain to understand every single thing.

oh, taktaw ah..

"zu dah takde assignment ke?"
 "ada, kenapa?"
"nampak macam relaks jer"
"arr.. ye ke"


..

hhoho, masa dapat soalan ni, nak tergelak pun ada,
saya sangat banyak keje sem ni..
tapi sebab banyak sangat....jadi ginilah..
haha..

eh..

this week, eh..
my life wasnt really okay,
im not in the mood for anything, seriously..anything...but of course on top of that, Im not in the mood of continuing my study, I felt like quitting in the middle of everything, I wonder why the hell I started this..
Im wondering if my choice is ever  the most wrongest idea at the first place, its hard to get rid from those rubbish thinking, I thought maybe, I should just follow my dream..which is nothing at all similar to my course. This course need me to be so... I dont know how to say, I loves it, but it just doesnt suit me. I dont like talking to new people, I dont know how to react to something that is totally out of my mind, it just hard. let just say, I don't like meeting people. My old days, I think I talks more to the computer, human mind are complex, much complex than the ever exist programmed in the whole universe.
    so, just to make the story of the weeks shorter.

one day, I felt very depressed because of this one thing.I tried my best to not to think about it at all, I am just so afraid. but of course i cant,
i do think of it..alot.
so i decided to ask my sister's advice.
but it turned out completely different, instead of asking only for advice,, for God sake, I wonder why the heck tears came running out at the middle of things like this, I cant even control it..

you know, when we lost the control, the mind cant work very well..and we're starting to put the blame on people.   when we did not find people to blame on, we started to blame ourselves, and this time..its hurt..very much...
at least mine is like that..
my sister said a lot of thing, the word of encouragement, she told me  and said its okay.,its okay. telling me stories of home, tell me how she see I am nothing at all like what I thought I am at that moments. I laughed.. I laughed thinking of that moments when i'm with my cousin..with my brother.. with the kids especially.
hee, lets just stop here, I dont want to cry while writing becoz i am now thinking of it..

so,
the advices, doesnt really make me okay.. i just need to stabilize myself again, but i dont know what to do, i walked, i left my friends, we are at the middle of lunch actually,   [i dont know where im walking to] its raining  that times, but not so heavy..
i decided to just go home, i took bath, and go to library.[ library is so comforting!]

i think im okay..
but im wrong as when my father called me, [guess he heard this from my sister,,cehh]
the conversation doesnt last long, its not okay ..
he try to make me comfort, telling me everything is okay and I just need to go through only another 2 semesters, do the best and im out. im out..

i knew im not okay..

it took 2 days of my life to be okay. [not long. noted that]
I dont want to think negatively anymore,
let just...go through of everything.

 right now, im still charging myself, waiting to be fully charged and i realized that i might again lost the power. but I know that, with the help of family, i can go through..

Thanks to Allah given me such a family. :)


Noted : 2:216.., 2:286., 6:17.. , 57:22-23..,13:11, 2:45, 12:87
noted 2:  realizing that whatever that had happened was not going according to my plan at all make me sad, but knowing that it goes smoothly and perfectly according to HIS planned does comfort me,
noted 3:  takut,  risau,  tak selesa, tapi bila letakkan 100 peratus tawakkal pada Allah yang apa-apa yang berlaku, itu adalah dalam aturan dia, its not really thatt disappointing.. looking back, HE is really fair :)  13:11

 p/s: angah [adik angkat masa program koko , darjah 4 sekarang,, ] called me just now. eh, its been a long time since i last having contact with that family.,, :)

assalamualaikum.

new semester -coming soon.../ selamat pagi.

IV

Kod Kursusx Nama Kursus Status Kursus Semester Jam Kredit BES1043 ENGLISH PROFICIENCY IV B 4 3 BTS1083 INSTRUCTIONAL TECHNOLOGY B 4 3 BTS1113 LANGUAGE TESTING & EVALUATION B 4 3 SKK1053 ASAS PENYELIDIKAN B 4 3 BTS1103 DESCRIPTION OF ENGLISH B 4 3 BTS1092 ENGLISH CAMP II B 4 2 BTS1072 MICRO TEACHING B 4 2 BPS1051 PENDIDIKAN JASMANI & GERAKERJA B 4 1 UIQ1010 TAJWID AL-QURAN B 4 0 Jumlah Kredit Didaftar 20

apa semua ni.. apa ni.. haha..

mood : blur setelah tak paham maksud subjek2..


ni gambar amek pagi takdi

alhamdulillah..alhamdulillah

dah setel semua presentation and esaiment semua dh hantar hari ni....nanti kiter pergi kepada final..

semalam kelas pedagogi sampai kul 1 pagi.. giler ah..captain tak ngantok pun dalam kelas tuu malam semalam...sebab petang tu kelas xde, jadi dah tertidor.. walaupun lepas asar tu p kat padang bola tampar...tapi kelas semalam sebab terlampau lama..jadi bosan.. rasa lemas pun ade..kejap2 kuar..hirup udara pagi..pastu masuk balik..then, teringat masa sekolah dulu, macam dalam sekolah menengah plak,, masa rehat ciput.. pastu kelas straight..belajar mende lain lain..semalam microteaching..jadi macam kat sekolah dh..kejap2 belajar pendidkan islam, jepun, math, BM.kajian tempatan..PJ.english.n mende tah lagi...nasib baik 20 min jer tiap2 subjek..tapi ada 13 semuanya

 hari ni patutnye kelas sampai kul 1 jer..tapi ade kelas ganti jap lagi.. dari kul 1-2 (intro to tesl)
pastu 2-4(PJ, tutorial)

pastu takde dah..

esok suppose to be kosong la..{jadi org xberguna} tapi ade kelas ganti gak.. kelas aqidah akhlak..jadi kene pospone dulu nak balik rumah..maybe petang khamis atau jumaat pagi...

 

sebenarnyer, takde la sakit sangat banyak keje ni..sebab takde keje sangat pun selain dari main main, tengok shinchan. katun jepun[trimas to Bi..sebab bagi kartun2 tuh]..n bla2..

jadi biler banyak keje yang berfaedah..rasa best..kan?

sempat lagiie.. :D

ceritanya, kami sedang dihimpit esaiment yang berlambak2..
alhamdulillah, ade yang dah setel, ade yang belum..
KEJOT dah setel..best, tapi mesti nnti rindu nk main PJ lagi..best arr.
.
English come out and play pun setel dh hr tuu..ngan konvo2 sekali..aaahh..bestnyer biler selesai semua...!

tapi sedih gak pasal program nak mngjr di hulu terengganu xjalan pasal xjumpa tarikh sesuai..
program English weekend pun pospon.. pasai xcukup bajet yer? ke xde tarikh ,, xpasti lak tuh.
.
usahawan..
 dah buat..sikitsikit.nak tunggu compile kan semua..and buat anggaran jualan jer .[rs mcm bljr economy pun  ade.haha.]

clt..br nk cr info..present this rabu..gaga...



benda ni biase jer..dah tahu still buat..procrastination.. sengaja xnk apply kan bersusah2 dahulu bersenang2 kemudian..dish3..
Lesson plan dh siap.hantr dh pun..
microteaching LP xbuat lagi.. mgu ni gak present..bila tah,,xngt ..

study week nk balik..kejap.

petang ni kelas smpai kul 6..[cadang2 nk tidor..xphm la present tuuh..ngan nombor2 bagai..]
malam ni ade kelas lagii..

whoosh!

Salam. okay. Saya sangat lama tak update blog. Saya rasa saya tak berapa nak okay. physically and mentally unstable. i dont know which one. Penat tapi best..kadang-kadang stress.. kadang-kadang menangis. kadang-kadang okay balik. kadang-kadang macam tak berapa nak betul.kadang-kadang bersemangat waja. .overall, nothing bad kot except for too lazy to study, not much of focus in class. yes. bermain banyak.



new class.. new friends, and new group members[ because of the class shuffling]
new rumate.. :)
and yes. im testing my new life.. :)

Topik hari Ini : awak kelas mana?

soalan "kelas mana?" lagi hangat dari "result berapa?" .

haha..hari ni start kuliah walaupun sebenarnya tak sampai setengah jam pun kat dalam OTH02 takdi...

sepatutnya  kelas yang bermula pada pukul 9 tu tamat kul 11 .Tapi, kata ustazah, "saya ada mesyuarat" ..tapi mungkin jugak sebab kelas pertama.taa'ruf sahaja dulu.. kelas pertama, minggu pertama.. something that all of us already expect to be.. taa'ruf week.. means..tak belajar..(eh..belajar. Belajar mengenali.)

Tapi itulah...taa'ruf mengajar kita untuk  mengenali. Mungkin tidak semua. Tapi tetap penting.

dari semalam lagi asyik tanya " awk, awk kelas mana? "..ehm,,,bagi saya ianya hadiah new year yang agak tidak menyeronokkan.. berpisah kelas dengan geng2... sangat tak seronok.. sape suka ..bagitaw saya. mungkin ada yang seronok. mungkin ada yang menganggap ianya suatu yang biasa. mungkin ..

New semester, new family. its gonna be fun ..i hope so. 

after all, kita masih bertemu dalam kuliah. hanya tutorial menjarakkan.. sedikit sahaja insyaAllah..

This Sem.. 

1.BAHASA ARAB II (TESL) 

2.ENGLISH PROFICIENCY II

3.PSIKOLOGI PENDIDIKAN

4.INTRO. TO LANGUAGE & LINGUISTICS II 

5.INTRODUCTION TO LITERATURE 

6.ENGLISH CAMP I 

7.FIQH IBADAT

8. KOKU

20 kredit hours..they said.."its standard". but i dont know..last sem only 17.. hemm..

Semoga berjaya.

Tamat.

p/s : sekarang agak lapar .

yes yes yes ! and nooo..

yeahhhh yeahh..da start cuti...

ade 3 minggu semuanya...kepten tak balik rumah seminggu... tapi stay kat kat sini..sampai hari khamis.. 4hb.. sedih hari tu tengok ramai kawan2 kepten balik..tapi takper,, masih ada lagi kawan2 yang belum pulang. dorang stay lagi lama.2 minggu.. kapten stay seminggu jer.. kapten ingat nak stay 2 minggu jugak.tapi adek kapten masuk wad 5 hb.jadi kapten nak duduk kat umah dalam tempoh tu.

Sepatutnya, kapten kena study la kan.. Alhamdulillah..so far so good. walaupun masih terselit sedikit hiburan tatkala study tuh.. 

Log 4 the past 2 weeks..

Sangat menyakitkan otak...penuh dengan presentation,, role play nyeh... pastu assignment  yang last minit baru nak buat... hehehheeheh...tapi alhamdulillah sekali lagi..kapten berjaya siapkan dalam tempoh yang sedikit awal..satu minggu awal..kapten tak mahu, minggu study kapten dipenuhi dengan kerja2 seperti assignment semua..nanti lain plak study week ni jadi...

dan dlm 2 minggu yang ;lalu..tiap2 hari kapten makan nasik and telur jah..telur dadar...waaa best.. rm2 only.. nasik kapten taruk banyak2... kawan2 kapten selalu tegur, tapi kapten wat tak taw ja.. kapten nak jimat duit.. xperlu makan banyak kali dah..kalau dorang nak makan lagi,,kapten tak ikut lah..

cuma ade lah sekali dua,,kapten teringin nak makan benda lain...kapten beli jugak..tak rigid sangat pun.. cuma sedih la pastu tengok duit..oh ya..duit ptptn dah masuk ..alhamdulillah.

and kapten dah beli dictionary.. oxford punye..teruk an.. nak final baru beli dictionary,,, almaklumlah,,baru dapat ptptn..
my foreign language class,, we got quiz,,quite hard i guess...i hope that i managed to answer it well..i don't know..i'm so sorry ustaz..

satu agy,,,kelas lab hari tuh(2 weeks ago study, then last week present) sangat best.. kapten dah belajar wt hyperlink untuk powerpoint..and after that my lecuter ask us to do presentation based on what we had learn.. memang penuh dengan semangat giler..kawan2 kapten pun perasan..siap pun awal..kapten memang suka benda2 macam tuh..hehehhehe..tq Sir.!

masa presentation hari rabu hari tuh..

lecturer kapten tak tetapkan tajuk ape..dia kata any topic.. kadang2 kapten suka ..tapi kadang2 tak jugak..cz kena pikir sendiri..tapi tu lah yang buat students lebih creative an..ni memang last minute punya idea.. tibaii..kitorang sebenarnya nak wat role play..tajuk sangat best..tapi tak sanggup nak acting.. baca skrip pun dah termuntah..

ni group presentation..

here are the list.

Types of presentations that we had performed ( ni semua group)

1. recite poem,, recite the poem with your style,..- .tell the class what is the meaning of the poem.this one we did.we didn't even use slide..only instrumental song(kitaro-caravansary) then the backdrop of the stage was darken..nak amek feel katekkan... Note : please prepare the meaning ..if not, it would be disaster..my group is a total disaster...kitorang goreng ja meaning tuh..hahhaha
2. role play- splendid! they did a great job.they use slide,,but only to show the situation.music play an important part..choose wisely
3. presentation with slide,superb!...choose the topic wisely.don't read from the slide..applause to you,,and applause to others..

ni plak role play yang paling last..

memang skema giler group kitorang...i dont know that we actually can totally  change the skrip..wawawa..sedih.,tapi takper..lepas suda..

after all,,let they comment it..

and,for the whole weeks here..,, this week is the saddest.. saying goodbye to dearest lecturer was hard.. moreover when the lecturer isnt in our own faculty, so, the chance of meeting them is quite impossible... 

footnote : i'm very afraid ..those carry marks will be out next week..pray for me..and final is just around the corner..

jangan lupe study..:D