Friday, April 26, 2013

It is not hell, it is not heaven, it just.. UniSZA.

It is not hell, it is not heaven, it just.. UniSZA.

The story, as stated, happened to be on the campus of Gong Badak.
The respondent is my own self.
The methods are my own observation, that’s it. Only observation alone. Haha. Bias eh..whatever.
The year is between year 2010 until 2013.
The scope, I’ll narrow it down to my own course which is TESL..and my view on the other course, [through the  observation, which might be bias, but..Well, who cares?]

no picture at all, i dont know who will read this.but post . im so lazy to search for even a picture.
a very long posts too..

This campus, I would say... My home. I spent most of my time inside this place for the thing I was introduced since my childhood as... study. But, the thing is, this place is not only for studying. It is more than that. In fact, more than what I expected before I put both of my feet on this canvas.

The first year of my campus’s life was not that easy...but, the fact stated that, it wasn’t that hard too… back then; I don’t really remember any problem except for rushing [always last-minute] for dateline to submit assignments, preparation to present the materials and normal things such as quizzes and tests…
Semester 1, it was my junior’s life,  this semester, it’s all about looking for friend(s)the feeling of lonely is so scary that I thought everytime people put their sight on me, I felt so uncomfortable.    I tried my best to act different, try to adapt to the new environment, I thought by acting differently, people might like me, For they don’t know how I was before.  But I was wrong. There’s nothing wrong by just stay the same. Life would be stressful if you trying to please people all the time... To be frank, I don’t really act nice with people, I am quiet, I am serious, yes, except for my best friends but sometimes, I tend to be just a watcher, observing, while most of the times I don’t really understand what I’m looking at and what I’m looking for……………….

during the first semester of my life I realized that people are just not …same, we are different. I can’t expect people to understand me everytime, different culture, different background taught us in different way. Living inside this community, sometimes, I am so afraid, I am so afraid I would be alone. Im not saying im good, and im also not saying they are bad. It just.. the feeling, I am so afraid they can’t truly accept me because I am like this, and not like them.  But the feeling does not last long, it fades through times, I believe that to survive in this community I should never put the gap between us in matter of socializing but of course with some exceptions something should never go beyond the boundaries. Making friends with all are a must, well im trying, though of course sometimes I prefer to be with some other people but working with others should be no problem. Sometimes, I don’t know how to act, some other times, I don’t know how to respond well, but in a matter of learning, im trying.. remember in semester 1 , I joined futsal, the TESL CUP, life of junior, and a little bit of regretting the past life that I had go through make me joined the cup.. im not much of the sport girl, in fact, my stamina will ran out after the first 5-minutes of the games… but still I can go on... it just feels… a bit longer than what it supposed to be. There’s still a long way to go.. I don’t really remember much the names of classmate eventhough everyday of the first and second weeks they keep on repeating the same introduction. Friends are nice, though, in the first semester I think I only meet the teslians, I don’t know the other course except for my roommate and her friends, k.zaty. she is nice..very nice, but we didn’t go very well. Not much of the communication and the egoist me keep blocking the way of making friend.

Semester 2, life quite fun... I don’t want to waste my junior’s life with the thoughts of ‘being young is no fun at all... So I joined lots of thing... Well, not really lots, but it was more than 3, so, I guess… why not? Heh, I remembered my high school life, putting my name at all the games [not really all the games], but got rejected because really I just can’t do it. I’m bad with sports and I’m bad with keeping up with something that I think I can’t do, lack of motivation id say...As motivation is about what we want to do rather than what we can do...It’s all about desire… and at the end; I end up...playing chess... So here, my priority wasn’t sports, it’s something contradict that thing…What I loved about semester 2 was, it teach me more about my life, something I had left for such a long time...what’s worse, I don’t even realize all those thing before… seeing them is like being pulled from such a horrible dark places into a more shining horizon, like ive found my way out after a long dark tunnel. Geez…friends are nice. Im trying to go and socialize with the other course, good, it happened to be successful. But then, I didn’t remember much of their names, faces are familiar but yet, when I don’t remember the names, I just don’t know what to do. I have the urge to ask, but when the body and the mind, aren’t compromise, that, just. .happen.

Second year, welcome to the feeling of being ‘big’ in terms of experience… second year was the year when I felt a little bit depressed, I am no longer a junior. The shyness syndrome is coming again and this time I don’t have the guts to get it out. I didn’t join something ‘cool’ anymore. .. it’s the year when I am thinking about what should people call me, I don’t want it to be like my school time when they [my little ukhti/s] called me by ‘kak era’ my home name.  It is not comfortable. Tho its feels like home, still they are not my real family..wohoho.. to be honest. I don’t like this kind of ‘adik and kakak angkat, hate it. coz sometimes, I realize that people always taking good care about their ‘new family’ and they left they real family … they keep on messaging/calling day and night and not realizing that, they didn’t really close to the real one. Whats the point?  Let just act normal.

                Semester 3 is the first sem that I get the feeling of living in this ‘old building’. For me, I don’t mind living here, it just that, my last hostel which was apartment type was cleaner in terms of toilet. Here, right now, I have to share [of coz they have to share with me too] most of the facilities. Its okay for me to live my life in this small cozy room, it is okay, indeed. It is okay.. although the table and the chair I can’t use as the place to study bcoz im short, and it is spaceless, I don’t think it is a problem bcoz I put my books, and the bag on it.. and I study[writing, whatever] using new table, the small one. Much more comfortable. This bed, is a multifunctional bed!!. HaHA!!. And this semester, the rumate’s name is Hanan, she is tall.. she always remind me of the person whom I really miss. I didn’t tell her that.. there’s not much I want to tell about semester 3, but I do realize that, I spend less of my time inside my room, maybe im still not used with the feeling of the room sweet room, nope, not with the first year roommate..

Pantun really drives me nuts.. I love pantun, but the fact is, I don’t like responsibility. I don’t know how to do it, even if I do know, i need to be force, and nobody did so. My life style, I think is normal. I didn’t go to new café as much as when im in the first year, only p.hase and rarely to new café.  Semester 3 also, I learn to be as much independent  as ever, I learnt how to make friends with other, the others here I meant, the other teslians which are not my close friends, my friends(maryam,afi, b, ina, wawa), the people who close to me, many of them are divide into the different class but then, its not really a problem, cause I still have the close friends(sarah, adel) and of course, the other teslians too, they are too my friends.. I think so.. I realized that, its not that, I hate my rumate or what when I go outside ‘lepaking’ with other friends(b, fi and maryam,ina sometimes,dira, and put,)the second floor girls and the first floor girls, , it just that, I need some fresh air.. I don’t know what to do inside my room………. so I do hope that those people around me will understand that. but not always, sometimes, I rather just enjoying my days inside the room.. doing nothing. sorry.

what I like about this block is that, It keep us near, very near indeed…I love my teslians friends more and more each day….

Semester 4
GOD...Its hard as hell, with all those freaking subjects, it’s like I’m gonna blow my head off anytime soon.... [Exaggerated]

It’s been almost 2 semesters that I didn’t go to the lake, the guards warned us not to go there anymore… this time around, I spent most of my days after class in my room, Biruni 311, it’s good to have a nice aura inside here, but of course, social life is social life, I often went to pay a visit [hours of] to my other friends in the other room, gossiping around, listening, watching movies, eating, sleeping.. but nothing is more heavenly heaven then staying inside  our own room, enjoying the day.. watching yakitate japan, one piece, movies, writing, reading, sleeping, hiding, stalking..heh… im a little bit stress regarding annual dinner, being assigned as a P.A system is not my thing, there are 3 person involved, one already assigned to become cameragirl, and another one.. he’s MIA.. can’t be helped.  This semester, I learn the meaning of cooperation, teaming is not only based on friendship, it require responsibility, it need us to be alert in whatever we are doing. This time I learned how people look at each other, how they actually respect their friends, helping people in need, spend some times with them is something that I would always treasure, and also, because of this dinner things, I saw faces that I wouldn’t believe would be by our side in times of need and obstacles, washing cars together.[although there’s still faces that I considered as lonely crows, cant be helped at all, strategy is really needed.  Block mates, this time, consist of Dip law, dakwah[senior], IT[senior], bahtera[senior], and senior tesl.. what I would like to say about them is, in my view, some of them are okay, some are not. Even some of my own seniorS from the same faculty are considered not so-friendly. . [MAYBE they thought so about me too], but who cares? Sharing toilet and pathway doesn’t means we are close…at least give a smile sista.. 2 semester living inside biruni, I guess that, its my fault, I don’t even know what is my neighbour name.. we do greet [smile] at each other, but asking for name is such a burdeeeen…waaahh..ok, about unisza, pok hase has become our teslian semester 4 port’s..  it’s the nearest café after all, food is okay. Price is quite reasonable tho it’s a little bit expensive by 50cents compared to café baru. Em, I don’t know if the new café that’s been build behind academic block already finish or not, its been a long time already I didn’t go there. About attitude. my friends here said, ive changed a lot, this semester, ive become much more annoying, talks more, hurts more, and more lonely. I often went to other places alone, its not that I don’t want to ask, but, things I could do alone, I’ll do alone.  I realize , maryam and afi less visits me in my room, maybe they thought that I want to be alone. Emm,,no.. sometimes, when hanan is not inside only maryam come here, I do realize it, but I act as if nothing is wrong. Don’t know why, thinks theres no need for me to ask or to tell. Two sad things happened in one go. today, is the day when my rumate go back home, im not a good rumate, not a good friend, ive failed to be one.gonna miss her so much!.. and yesterday, something happened to my phone, im not a good owner, ive failed to be one... huhu..Its good to have another phone, tq baba, But the good thing is , this evening.., im going to be accompany by hani[roomate terms].Hani’s gonna check in here soon. She’s going to be my teammate in this next English camp 13[which is tomorrow], 18-29 march2012, two weeks, supposed to be just short, but English camp is something that require us to burn our sleep times, its even harder than final exam.[hak3] , every night is a tiring night, with ideas to search thru, with practice..arrghh.. I will update this 2 weeks from now… ok, and so, I let me end this semester 4 review of all with,, The EC..  this camp, compared to before, its not that tiring, but, its even more bored. With lame activities and so on, but id learned one thing. its cooperation between teammates and to try our best, be confident even u know u’ll be doomed. haha..  ok, and my semester, officially end. But still here I am at UnisZa.. attending GMJ, along with Maryam, miera and two other juniors, and the next day, helping my friend , Adel with her kiosk at one of the expo at ‘teaching skool’ it was a great experience. I’ll be home tomorrow, semester 4 really.. its not in a blink of eyes..  well, 2 months from now, I’ll update about whats going on through semester 5. Adios! Gambatte!

Third year. I am A SUPER SENIOR.. !! and you know what, I loves my coursematess!! All of them!

Semester 5.
Its been 2 weeks already since I step my foot inside Unisza. Right now, here I am in the school. S.K Seberang Takir, its 7.22 am, and this semester im going to go through 3 months of teaching practicum.. I don’t know if im going to do well or not, but I know that, this semester is going to be the check point of all, I’ll know whether im suit or not, whether im going to continue in TESL or not, which I did not yet see that in my future. This experience going to be my experiment on what is my next step, and the most frightening of all, the students..and their future will be involved in this so called the life’s experiment.i don’t like it., 3 months although sounds so short but lots of things could happen. Social life, okay.. we stayed at biruni again this year, but I got new rumet which is Afi. The room is 222, quite a number eh? 
Story with Afi is so funny, during the first and second year of my hostel life, we always visits and sometimes sleep at each other's room, now she is my roomate, so fun and funny,...sam and sarah .oh b too..lived besides me, maryam, infront of me.. This week, and last week, I cycled alone around UnisZA,, I saw the new café behind the Block Academic, even though there are lot of progress on that , but the building is not yet finish, [due date:last year] …

Update*- 1 Julai 2012- no more p.hase.. no more the café of teslians.. the contract’s done, they didn’t renew it. I don’t know why, I didn’t ask them.. again, right now, im in school, seberang takir, this is my second week as a teacher, a student teacher. I teach English and also ‘pendidikan seni visual’ . last night, again, someone told me that ive change a lot. Huuu.. and its not a good change I think.. yesterday, I ride a bicycle, along with wawa n maryam, I carried maryam, 2 days before this, both of them alternately carried me…

I don’t know the other university but Unisza, in my own view, a very nice place. But the judgmental inside isn’t very nice to be discussed about…

There are developments everywhere. Constructing these and those, closing that and this, here and everywhere around the faculties, but still the hostel, isn’t very nice. A ‘c’ class compared to the ‘a’ class’s hostels, so not much to be told here. But still its comfortable so, life is just great here.
With friends changing block…no more hours of visit.

Café Ibnu Sina, it’s the new café, congrats to them because till now still become a champion in terms of cleanliness and the varieties of foods. Almost.all.the.time. hoyeahhh… ok back to the most important part in semester 5, remember when I said this practicum is going to be my check point whether to continue or not, well if you didn’t remember mind to go back and read again.. or let me just tell you, this practicum is my experiment and I think that.. I wont continue the course..wuhuu.. I knew that its going to be tough..

End of semester 5. 28.9.2012. ok hi, leaving unisza for 1 month or so, gonna get back there 18 november. Practicum is over, I know im not a good teacher, I don’t know what should I do, some people, they are born to be teacher, some other people they need to build the characteristic of being one. And im not talking about a so-so called teacher, what I meant is, the teacher who could make someone a SOMEONE. And of course, that’s a teacher is..they build the characteristic. They teach what is right and correct what is wrong…  talking about unisza, constructions aren’t yet finish. . I don’t have much time to go exercising, its good that ive once tried the bicycles, the blue gym[the outside gym-I don’t know what to call em] ----- FBK, its funny, they still didn’t change the logos, but the building is quite new, so it looks so comfortable. the last day of practicum, we went to vote for the leader,this is the second time I did this since I registered here. I don’t even know who the hell I had put my vote on, guess that he didn’t win anything. In unisza, we don’t have much problem like the other universities; they really had some trouble choosing the leader because the government also play their part in it. not for us. We play real fair I guess or just that, we don’t really care about it. . Hehe.. ok bye.. will update this when I continue my semester, but last but not least. I will miss my friends,all of them….

Semester 6
Breath out..breath in…. it’s the last semester.. the climax of everything.. first week here…is a normal week..go to class..although of course.. we are still not use of becoming a so called student after the practicum. The only hard thing happened in the first week is about my health.. ive got very itchy eyes during the night.. and I just couldn’t help just went to bed right after performing the solat..  during the first week.. I attend this class.. it is Alam Sekitar.. we are supposed to come out with a problem regarding the nature that is happening in UnisZa.. so, im thinking a lot about the tasik..the lake actually..its been a long long long time ago since I last went there.  This semester, I brought a car here..its not that I brought it.hehe..actually Maryam drove the car from Kelantan to here… my father didn’t trust me. 
So, its already 2 weeks here. Last night we had a meeting between the Teslians, and the last part of the meeting really really touched us. we ask all the semester 4 and semester 2 to leave the meeting room after they have done with the Q n A and we too, had no further question or statement/advice to make. Right, during that tell us/share with us gathering, lot of people saying lot of thing,  and yes, about the hid problem and whatsoever, we tell them our feeling..sharing moment thing like that.. and I was very shock with what Rahman said.. really, I don’t remember what ive said during the first semester.... huuuu..

Though this friendship we are having have no expiry date, we do realize that, our time left together is now left than 30 days.
Nasyid competition!
Everyone post about the day, about how they are going to miss everyone and such… they were taking pictures together..saying stuffs that remind back all the memories and so on.. I do feel sad, but its not that kind of sad that im going to cry, not yet I think.. me, maryam, zaty, ina and mira are having a hard time, we still in state where we don’t know if we want to continue nasyid or not..time constraint and everything, but then, I really don’t mind … we will make time, im sure we will insyaAllah.. but, everyone’s opinion shouldn’t be neglected. Yesterday, erm actually this morning, for the first time, Mira invite us all to practice nasyid . she message via fb chat, but then, Dira was the one who replied to it and she really meant to joke, but the other party maybe didn’t understand the intention, yaa, of course.. the sentence looks quite serious actually plus with the critical moment and so on.. .. I met Mira at library, telling her everything that I feel. We ask for apology, I could see the disappointment face of Mira.. now that, the feeling’s change, it was sad not because of the nasyid..but because I’ve created pain and hurts someone’s feeling. Couldn’t ‘pujuk’ both ina and Mira.. , we went to the other table cause we want to study actually, but the heart’s still feel unease, a’ai came and we tell her that we are going to cancel the registration, she said no. she told us to cancel the intention. Now…Mira was there, Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah, thank you to A’ai, Dira cause that night, we start searching for the song. It means we are together again.
Study week
-          Im not at unisza to study, went to other places with my family, but then, here I am once again during the 5th day of the study week.
-          Nothing had really change in unisza.. it looks calm as always.. none of them know that im so glad to meet my friends again.. the feeling is bizarre, it felt like.. I want to be here forever..
-          So, first day, its me just sleeping, until the sun rise.., its about and I woke up.. normal things repeat again..and then, the teslians semester 6..are having this kind of disease where they are addicted to ‘saidina’ asks me to play, and yeah… it was fun..

-          The next day, I woke up a little bit late… I promise my friends and most important to myself to go to the library, didn’t study at all yet.. couldn’t study at my room, in the end, this is what im doing, writing and just luring around.. hard cover done, send the project papers , all three of them to our supervisor and also to the faculty. It was a relieved… a big bag we carried all along this semester 6 have now all gone.. send amril to mbkt, hani treats us with kfc. That night, we are together again, its not the meals that counts, it is the moment, something that we are going to treasure all time.. gonna miss it..

-          Yesterday, such a busy day… woke up as early as ever and start the car, having, maryam, baayah,ina and mira all together in the car.. , let just say, yesterday, our works finish at 6pm, but that’s me and maryam.. b, ina, n miera , we send them back around 1.30pm..

*went to jabatan akademik, fill the formsssss, get a stamp.
*went to jabatan bendahari * send the form and pay for English transcription*get the stamp
*went to library *terminated our matric cards*get stamp
*went to foyer asrama *send the forms*get stamp
*brekfes at warung syakila
*went to Hostel again, *wait for ina*
*went to Jabatan akademik * send another forms*
*went to jabatan bendahari* send form
*went to jabatan akademik once again because me n be forgot to attach the transcription page
*went to foyer asrama * ina send form
*went to hard cover’s shop*wait for nobody at the end
*went to giant baru * bought ice-cream, cool-blog,, finish it there..
*back to hostel
*receive call
*went to hard cover’s shop once again.
*waiting……the shop didn’t open.
*went back to hostel..
*went to hard cover’s shop once again..
Take books..
*Went back to hostel
*straight to mbkt..
*send wawa..
*went to mydin
*back to hostel

Let just say, the place to all the spot to get the stamp are not so far, but because we need to get and send all of it again, also we were dealing with human, so it tooks time.. ehe,… the weather were so hot yesterdayyy…


-          So today… lurking around again…

During the study week, our room, the room that I shared with afi..receive lots of visitors, our friends too..
The most unexpected visit is from puteri, she is one of the brilliant student, let me tell you, almost all the times she is here. (She is here now), its not that , I study much or what that make our room her pit stop, but, I don’t knowwww..hahahhaha… whatever the reason is, i don’t mind, in fact, I like it..


The end of everything?

Its been a long time, but I didn’t update it, fbk had changed its it a signboard..hahahhaha..i don’t know what to call it..its preetyy cool. They must like it so much that they leave the lamp to be functioning during the night even when I don’t think its really matter..heheh..

The third AWIE, I didn’t tell you eh about awie before, okay, actually, AWIE stand for A weekend In English, the first two Awie it were held at the schools, but this AWIE, the venue was at the uniSZA itself. Very fun, very tiring..but in the end, it is a worthy effort J
Thank you to madam Sally and Madam Misrah, ..oh..and other lecturers too..
Tesl semester 6 crew
Tesl semester 4 crew
And all students from the 6 schools.

Special to my big family.
Terima kasih sebab terima aku seadanya, mintak maaf sebab aku banyak berubah .dan jika perubahan tu menyakitkan.aku mintak maaf.

I love u guys, and what else a lover can do?

Aku rindu, dan aku akan rindu korang sangat2
Aku akan rindu time kita buat kerja sama2, aku akan rindu time kita gelak-gelak, aku akan rindu time kita nangis sama2..aku akan rindu time kita bersemuka, time kita luahkan apa kita rasa..aku akan rindu saat2 tu semua, aku akan rindu time kita muhasabah..aku akan rindu mainan2 kita, aku akan rindu kutukan2 tu, aku pasti akan rindu korang..aku harap bila kita jumpa lagi, kita masih lagi boleh bina kenangan yang baru..sama macam kita buat sebelum ni..dan ini aku maksudkan untuk semua, bukan kawan2 rapat aku je, kawan2 teslians yang lain jugak, yang mana sebelum ni, mungkin kita tak rapat, tak pernah cakap pun , tapi semester akhir ni ubah banyak benda kan? im glad we end it this way.hehe..

There will soon come a time, when I might not remember your name, that, I then, might not even remember your faces, but you do know, the memories, will be valued, forever..

p/S: Yeas,Im a selfish lover, I hope you miss me too..

untuk 9 of us.
afi, maryam, ina,sarah, wawa, adel, shakirah and b. 
aku rindu sangat nak ber'chalet'  ber 'homestay' and ber'hotel' ngan korang.
aku rindu nak lepak lam bilik yang sempit tu kita 9 orang..rindu nak tidor berhimpit2..huk3..walaupun kepala aku esoknye krem, haha, sbb tkleh gerak ..hahaha..
aku rindu giler nak main2..nak mandi2..aku rindu giler semua tuu..aku rindu time kita wat activity golden times tu...rindu muka sensorang, rindu time kita jalan2..time kita solat sama2.time riadah...time kita bincang..time kita gaduh sambil bincang..time kita gaduh betul..hahah..aku rindu time kita MAKAN.hahha..rindu gilerrr...rindu time study laaa sgt..rindu time racing..rindu time kutuk2..rindu time sindir2..hahah..rindu time bagi semngat...rindu nyanyi sama2..rindu gilerr kat semua tuu.series..kenangan tu banyak yang bongek2..tapi..hahah..aku rindu laa.series.

rindu bulk messages- message forward yang ajak2 tuuu..

those who able to read without skipping any sentences, congratulations because you managed to not vomiting while reading this lots of grammatical error post. 

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