Thursday, June 21, 2012

Diari hidup seorang 'student teacher' -part 4

mereka tak tahu, betapa kepala aku sakit,
hati aku runsing.
mereka tak tahu.. tapi hakikatnya, tiap kali aku fikir tanggungjawab ni,
air mata aku mengalir..

masalah nak mendidik manusia2 kecik sangat 'menensyenkan' aku.
bukannya aku tak mahu.
tapi bila aku fikir tentang masalah dalaman tu,
hati aku berat,
apa guna aku ajar budak-budak yang takde kena mengena pun dengan hidup aku,
bila orang dekat pun aku tak boleh nak jaga.

bila ada program 'sharing moments' ngan madam sally takdi, aku yakin aku tak sedih sebab sekolah tu, sekolah tu takde masalah untuk aku, layanan dia baik, aku je yang masalah,
yang buat aku sedih mungkin sebab cerita-cerita kawan-kawan aku..
tambah pulak dengan masalah kat rumah... yang aku berat hati sungguh. tak tahu nak buat macamna.. huh..

mereka tak tahu, dan aku tak rasa aku nak bagitahu,
walau aku rasa ada yang dah perasan..
biar mereka tahu sendiri, dan aku tak mahu nak jelaskan.
cukup setakat tu.


aku dah tak tahu macamana nak bantu, sampai aku buat tak tahu walau jiwa aku tertekan,
tapi aku sedar,
ada yang lagi tertekan dari aku.
tanggungjawab tu besar..
amanah dari Tuhan.
bagi pinjam sekejap aku dah tak mampu nak handle.
banyak aku bagitahu,
banyak aku tak yakin,
dan banyak aku rasa aku tak akan boleh... aku tak boleh nak sedapkan hati aku,
macam tak ada guna aku buat...
kalau hati aku asyik fikir macam tu.

bila madame sebut teaching from the heart, lagi lah aku sedih. hati aku dah lain. tak boleh ni..


Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Diari hidup seorang 'student teacher' -part 3

baru pas cycling, sorang-sorang. dorang taknak ikut, sebab buat keja lain. ada yang *pengsan*pasal penat kat sekolah.

okay.
baru dapat jadual mengajar.
taak confirm lagi, tapi insyaAllah la..

balik sekolah takdi jam 3lebih, pasal ade meeting..
kesian kat member2 satu van, kena tunggu. huhuhu..



Monday, June 18, 2012

Diari hidup seorang 'student teacher' -part 2

seriously, nak control budak2 ni sangat mencabar.
dapat 2 kelas relief takdi. alhamdulillah i think,
kalau tak dapat, saya rasa minggu depan mungkin baru tahu macam mana rupanya keadaan dalam kelas..
penat memang penat. nak bagi mereka focus susah. nak kena 'tarik' mereka bagi dengar kita tu yang susah sikit,
tapi,, saya harap semuanya okay.

mungkin esok baru dapat jadual mengajar.
hari sabtu kena gi program gotong royong. harap2 bas datang amek pagi sabtu tu.
bilik guru best! :)


p/s: gambar mahu upload tapi takde kesempatan lagi [malas sebenarnya]

Friday, June 15, 2012

Erk...

assalamualaikum,

..

pukul 8.lebih lepas isya' takdi, Maryam mai bilik..
pastu ajak jumpa member,
kata ok je, bukan buat apa tu dalam bilik ..
member katanya..
bila tanya sapa dia taknak jawab,,,
pastu..masa dia dah nak bagitahu,
cakap kat dia takpe jee, biar surprise sikitt..eh.

katanya, jumpa kat blok Khalid,
so, dalam kul 9 lebih tu kami dua pun sampai la sana,
ish,
berdebar jugak [walaupun teman maryam jee,haha]
bila kol, rupanya member tu dah sampai lagi awal [dia memang kat sana dah]
tapi dia kat dalam blok lecturers tuu,
pastu dah jumpa salam2 la kan,
rupanya, member tuu,,senior maryam ni, [katanya bukan kawan sekolah, anak murid ustaz , ape tahh]

lepas tuu, cakap2...menyampuk sikit-sikit..
tiba-tiba, kakak tu ajak masuk bilik lecturer , ustazah katanya,
adeeeii, tak nakkk..
saya nak duduk kat luar je, biar maryam dan kakak tu je masuk.
tapi kena tarik jugaaaaaakk..

masa nak masuk bilik lecturer tu, terpandang nama dekat depan pintu
Syarifah Hamadiah, kalau tak silap..
tengok muka,
macam kenalll..
waah,
berdebar,
ustazah tak kenal pun saya dan maryam,,,

pernah nampak ustazah ni,
masa gi farabi,
ada tazkirah pasal wanita solehah bidadari syurga kot [satu tu je yang g, wahaha]
punya la malu,
tapi wat cool,
sebab tak kenal kan..

dalam bilik ustazah, ada sorang lagi kakak,
namanya K.Muna,
bila taaruf2 ,
rupanya senior sekolah dulu,
tapi batch dah jauh sangat,
dia dah umur 26..


kat dalam bilik,
macam2 ustazah bagitahu,
huhuhu,
banyak la kena atas muka sendiri.

antaranya pasal, bila minum guna tangan kiri,alasannya sebab, tangan kotor nak pegang gelas guna tangan kanan,
ustazah kata, kenapa, gelas bahagian luar xleh nak basuh kee, minum kat bahagian luar gelas ke..macam2 lagi arrrrr..waaaa ..

pastu pasal hati-hati tak bertaut apa tah,
dia cakap, orang gi kat majlis ilmu,
kenapa masyarakat still macam ni,
rosak..
sebab,
bila gi dengar apa2, tak amalkan..
tak nasihat orang, tahu sendiri je,
dia cakap bila sebut nak tolong agama Allah,
maksudnya kat situ,,,
kita kena saling tegur menegur la kalu ada yang salah,
bukan buat tak nampak,
camtu kot maksud dia.

pastu dia citer pasal sorang lecturer yang baru masuk Islam..
huu, sedih dengar .tapi penuh pengajaran.


eh, banyak lagi sebenarnyaa...walaupun kejap jumpa,
banyak dia bagitahu, kadang-kadang lawak, kadang-kadang ishh,, rasa sendiri ....macam tu lah..tapi betul la semuanya..



note : petang takdi kuar, ingat nak ikut gi hospital zahirah, huhu, ada orang pernah janji nak bawak saya pergi sana, tapi tak tercapai ni, rasanya, ikut keadaan sekarang, mungkin tak mungkin dah dengan dia, dengan orang lain mungkin. =S

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Diari hidup seorang 'student teacher' -part 1

she said, we are the public figure.




p/s: PBS next week....... duhh..

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

ni sape?

it was during my first day in the workshop when i received a call,
i didnt pick up the phone for i put it in silent mode, so i didnt hear that.
during the recess time, thats when i realized i got one miscall from a number,
the number looks kinda familiar to me, but it doesnt ring the bell,
i thought it was my friend's number, when i asked Bi to check her phone's contacts,
the number isnt in her list.
so i give a call,
using the S-fone,
i didnt topup my maxis for almost 2 months already,
even the SOS finished already because i desperately need to use it like 2 weeks before the sems' start.

when i dial the number ,
it is a man who answer the phone,
whats funny was,
i didnt remember the voice,
so i talk to him with the Kuala Lumpur dialect/slang..err.. kononnya.
all the phone's contacts are lost along with the last phone.

when i asked who ,
he didnt answer that but instead said he is my 'old lover' from Pulai chondong, my school,
of cos no,
he insist himself saying the same thing over and over again,
then i said,
nevermind because i wanna go eat.
i'll investigate later on.haha

then he said 'komputer',
one word that reminds all things.

it is my cikgu, the MJ, our MrJali..


huhu
sangat rasa bersalah bila cikgu yang kol kita kan,
kita anak murid tak de nak kol pun..huhuhu


Saturday, June 9, 2012

ho yeaahhhhh!

Assalamualaikum..
and hello people,
already check the room's number,
what room, what block,
tho,
i didnt expect to get the same block again..
it feels like..em, i dont know


ok whatever then.
here, i would like to share on the book that ive read during my holidayyy..

yeayy,
ok,



Hard To Get by Jessica Fox. one of the book ive bought like years ago, but i didnt read it that time, this story, two words, sex and scandal, a story about a divorce women, fall in love with someone else, a late 30 reaching 40 years old.. i dont like this book very much but there's some good part of it, emm.. like,, err, even u are old, someone still like u, so beware, wakakaka,, no.. what i means is, there's no time limit for love and u will never know when ur heart beat for it until u feel it. waaa..-




Forget About It by Caprice Crane . another book ive bought along with the hard to get, same publisher, little black dress, this time, the story quite funny,err not so funny but almost enough to give me a good laugh over it, em, it is about a girl who fake her amnesia becoz she wants to start the new life.. i wish for the other ending actually, but this is a good book to be read.



Belajar Dari Perang Uhud-strategi menghadapi kekalahan karya Hepi Andi Bastoni- a book that tell us the reason of our lost in the war, the book although already translated from the indonesia language to malay language, still make me a little bit confuse, only a little, maybe because some words used i dont think its in bahasa.. but the book is a must read one, lot of religious lessons are told inside it,  the writer doesnt only tell us the story about the war[why, how comeeee] but the wisdom, the lesson that came along it.. if u like to read another history book, then read that book.. full of motivation, and make me think a lot.




Salahudin Ayubi karya Abdul Latip Talib. the book i borrow from my brother, there's alot of book written by that author in this house, but thats the only book ive read by him so far.heheheh..this book, tell us about Salahudin,his early life, how then he become the sultan, khalifah, how he rule, the command he gave, the idea/strategy he used -most of them are  Rasulullah S.A.W's strategy ..and how he actually can conquer the jerusalem again,i like this book very much that when i read it, i hope that our prime minister also can be like him....inspiring, full of encouragement. do read it.



LIfe in rewind by Terry Murphy - another true story, this book was given to me years ago but i didnt read it, i did read it but i didnt finish it that i read it again this holiday- its about the mental illness that a boy get during his childhood, not knowing why, but he knew that something is totally wrong with him, the OCD- obsessive compulsive disorder , its about how he was trapped and cant move even one inch feared someone he loves will die because of him..and if he really need to move, talk, or even breath, he will need to do it again backwards and that with alot of control/counting.. a very sad story , can make u cry, i did cry.



Have A Little Faith by Mitch Albom- actually, this is not a book that i read during the holiday, but even before it, still i wanna share it cause this is one of my all time-favorite-author. hehe..this is another true story written by Mitch, lot of life lesson, this time, it is not about his teacher, but the jewish's rabbi. how he almost forgot the childhood moment,  how he left the religious life because he afraid of someone will look at him with fear in the eyes,,until he was given a job[more to be asked] to deliver the rabbi eulogy.he started to go back again to his old village looking for the answer.this is about how he lost his faith and got it back. very inspiring



only 5 books during the holiday, not many. but i think its okay than nothing. heheh.
safe journey, great life. be happy.


nota : saya nak praktikal bukak sem ni. risau giler ar, almaklum la takot salah ajar, kalau ikut pengalaman sendiri, memang saya sebenarnya lebih percaya cakap cikgu-cikgu kat sekolah, so kalau salah ajar, aduh beratnya rasa.. semoga baik2 belake.


Friday, June 8, 2012

article tu best.[Guide to Facebook Arguments] do read.


Guide to Facebook Arguments (and online ridiculousness in general)

It's a shame that such incredible tools of spreading knowledge and building enlightening discussions such as Islamic Forums, Message Boards, group E-mail threads, Twitter feeds, and Youtube comment threads instead descend into embarrassing hotbeds of heated fights and countless hours of wasted time. And of all these online mediums, the biggest culprit of all is Facebook.

baca selanjutnya kat sini.



comment saya:
betul la tu, kadang-kadang niat kita nak berdakwah boleh menyimpang.
macam xde keje lain dalam dunia ni selain dari dok gaduh2 benda yang xhabes,
tak, saya tak kata tu salah, betul la tu, nak dakwah. tapi kalau dah tiap2 masa hati tak tenang tunggu reply dari orang tu, [lebih kepada provoksi] kan dah lain tu..sampai berjam2 tuu...
and see, masa tu, niat kita betul ke nak bagi kebenaran, or just..nak bagi hati kita puas??

facebook, created by the jewish, benar kita akan gunakan senjata mereka untuk kalahkan mereka, tapi ingat, alpa sikit, hancur semua, jangan sampai rugikan diri sebab benda-benda kecik, cth : post status dakwah, niat asal nak dakwah la, betul. xsalah. tapi bila niat dan rasa hati dah menyimpang...sangat rugi, niat selain untuk Allah, tak ada nilai disisi Dia.., dapat like byk. then, hati rasa bunga, oh common laa.. -nak disable option untuk like kat facebook memang tak boleh, hati-hati, mungkin ni sengaja dorang buat untuk rosakkan kita.

kita sedia maklum,
penyakit hati yang paling menakutkan ialah ujub,[bagi saya]
orang tak tahu isi hati kita,
kita dok perasan sendiri,
kalu sombong or ria' tuu, orang nampak, and still boleh tegur kita,
kalu ujub..haiihh..

mintak dijauhkan..nauzubillah min zalik.





and, kata brother Hilal, facebook ni ibarat rumah,kalau nak tegur apa-apa yang memalukan/salah, kalau boleh, inbox la, xsusah.


note :
Niat Mark Masa mula-mula buat fb tu pun dah salah, nak stalk orang, and see, dah berjaya dah dia, cakap apa benda yang kita tak tulis dalam tuu, segala2nya boleh tahu.

saya xnk cakap sapa2, saya cakap sendiri je. ni ingatan untuk diri.. yang baik amek, yang buruk xpayah.

nota lagi : blog pun samaaaaaa....................................

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Wahhhh!!

wahh,
sebenarnya nerves tahap gaban nak balik unisza,
but in other aspect,[of course not practicum]
i just cant wait to be there..!!

this things does not relate with any people,
its not bout, i miss u, i miss you not,
no.
not you,
not anyone.

so peeps,
dun get excited with no reason coz 
u dont hv any reason to get excited over this stupid personal post


just me,
myself.

wanna check on something, waaah!
sangat menakutkan,
tpi xsabar.
giler laah.


gmbr2 pasport

xtahu letak manaaa..wuwuuw,
ada gmbr tqah, ade gmbr k.su sama dalam tuu.





Sunday, June 3, 2012

kalau saja..

kalau boleh, mahu saja aku ada disana, temani dia, kalau boleh mahu saja aku tukar rasa hati itu, biar aku sorang saja yang rasa kehilangan itu.tapi aku sedar, aku pun takkan mampu nak tanggung sorang-sorang, tapi ya Allah, lihat dia sedih, hati ni lagi bertambah2 rasa sedihnya..

Ya Allah, rasa ini tak dapat nak digambarkan dengan kata-kata.

sebaknya rasa kat dada ni...






even if it takes my life to give,
let me see the smile on your face..........
please...
it hurts like hell
to feel like this.


dont wanna see another tear.............................coming from you.
cause i know, it flows through the pain that you have felt.










i dont even know why do i feel like this.
sakit..kat dada..

Friday, June 1, 2012

The Memory.

there will be a moment in our life,
when the heart and the mind are battling against the past.
the things that had already happened.

it wont be easy,
for everything that we didnt do, and for the thing that we already did.
there was a regret,
there is nothing that we could change.
the thing is,
its over and now we are living in the present.

for the fight that we do, and for the fight that we missed,
there's nothing we could do except to just forget about it,

people come and people go,
everyday ..
and we knew that, all of us, soon if not later will die too..


for the thing that we said, and for the thing we didnt..
it wont be easy, i know, it hurts, to just forget about it,
then we tend to change it,
creating the new memory,
but we do know,
that it wasnt true.
bcoz,
there's nothing as time machine..
no backspace,
no delete button.
the memories,
they exist,
in the deepest part of the brain.
we just want to forget about it
but we can't..



we hate what we remember and what we not.
the memory
it was the past,
and the future we are leading..
depends on our present.


to forget is hard,
but..
there is thing that are much harder than it.
it is to forgive ourselves.


for the person, whom i truly miss,
either the living or the dead.
there's a time in my life, 
when i want to change whatever the mistakes,
but i knew, that i cant.
i dont want to forget.. neither you,
nor the memory itself.
but there are things that i regretted.
things that i did and things i did..not..
im sorry.





for the things we didnt say, we didnt fight, and we didnt do,
for the things we said, we had fight over, and for the things that we did..
its over now,

just forgive ourselves, will ya?