my dream. my addiction

it is happening again. right now. this feeling.

its normal. from my point of view this is very normal for a person who had spent much of her time doing
such a thing to feel it again.

i remember the first few years im trying to get rid of it..
no.. its not easy..

everytime i close my eyes, the vision of everything keep on coming.
yeah, remember when someone said, the more you try to forget thing, the more it comes to you. well it happen to be true.
at least, to me.

the thing im talking about is about addiction.

not so long since i started it, and not so long since i stopped it.


the memory is still here, deep inside my mind.
i dont know which part of the brain store it but i swear i could recall everything..
and everytime the memory flashing into my mind, i could no longer breath easily..
the thing is, i felt like drowning like the feeling of having been strangled by the air...
and everything seems so suffocating.....
its weird but thats it, the feeling of missing something..
until this time im writing this . the feeling is still here.

games.
ive been addicted to this.
MMOrpg.
it sounds stupid..yeah..

i love that game.
all about it, the guild, the war, the cavee
the players[ although it confuse me much about their gender, arr,nevermind that]
the quest...every single thing.



so, 5 years ago, i decided to stop it,
not that im having this wake up call that all of it such a waste of time,
no..
i knew it long ago.
the point was that, my level already reach the highest, the high score and so on,
although the game was about competing with others around the world, it was easy for me to catch it
becoz, the fact that, that game still new.
and what else would you expect from someone who spend most of her time,
only sleep 2 or 3 hours a day, didnt do her homework...face facing the laptop almost 24/7 .blah3..
so i conclude that i stop playing it for a while, for a while only,
ive big exam coming that year, and the year after that, and also the year after that year, so guess that,
its time for me to stop it for a while.
[kat sekolah ku dulu, tiap2 tahun pun ade exam besar, form 1 jep xder]

like i told you before, its not easy to completely stop it,
this time, i actually came to understand the feeling of drug's addict-er,
when they were asked to stop doing it
i knew it, it was the same. not easy..



...

so today, i try to download it again, i used to promise myself, that time..that one day,
im going to play it again... dont matter if that time is when im already old.. i will still play it.!

..

i remember the players, although most of them..emm.. still young [around 18- 27,29,30.] 
but there were this little population of the older players.
not that they played it for a long time already but the fact that, they were older by age.
around 40 something.. i dont know how the heck they got time to play,
dont they got thing to do at home, family..kids..or even work?
its not the kind of game, u can pause and everybody stop.. no.. u have to follow the flow..
especially if you are on miission..
its not easy if u have thing to take care of...

so, im trying to follow the older players' style, its not good..bad ..bad bad me..
..

back to the point.
when i click the download now button..
i have this kind of feeling..that i used to do this before..
not the first time i click it,[no, itu adik saya yang download first2]

i used to do the same thing, during my first holiday of my semester.. yahh, thats it!
but it was a complete failure,
the screen was too small... the graphic wasnt beautiful,[problem with graphic card i believe]
and it was lagging. waaah, how can i play with such flaw like thesee.. no..i'll be burden to other players..
the level of the game have been increase by 10, its easy for me to catch up, but not with these conditions.
no..


ok, now. im cancelling the downloading, this is the same computer by the way.. i cant play with this.
sekian.

p/s : dulu, guna laptop lain..sekarang laptop tu dah takder.